A friend with two kids recommended that I read sibling books before I needed them, as I wouldn’t have time afterwards. I’d heard this was good and had been recommending it, so I thought I should actually read it.
Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish As far as I can tell, the major conflict in siblings books is what to do when siblings fight: do you let them work it out themselves, try to solve their problems for them, or just punish all involved parties without trying to arbitrate? This classic book from the authors of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk brings a nuanced yet simple-to-implement solution to this as well as many other classic sibling problems. The answer to the first question is first to see if anyone is getting hurt, physically or verbally. If they are, describe what you see, say that hurting is not allowed, and separate them to give them time to cool off. If there isn’t imminent danger, have both of them describe the problem, describe each side back to them. Then tell them that it’s a difficult problem, but you’re sure that they will be able to find a solution. Then leave the room, telling them where you’ll be. They recommend never taking sides yourself, voting only as a very last resort, and not punishing. The last is to protect the other child, as a punished child will be out for revenge and see the sibling, as responsible for the punishment.
Of course, that chapter comes close to the end of a book, following on topics like avoiding comparisons and assigning roles. Every chapter includes a discussion of the topic, stories from group participants, cartoons for three different age levels illustrating the good and bad way to handle the problems, and summaries at the end of the chapter. Faber and Mazlish are experts on the topic, both as parents and as students of Haim Ginott, the eminent psychologist. Their techniques have been worked out in lots and lots of groups over the past couple of decades, but they still include a lengthy resource list at the back in case you want more. In spite of the title, they are reassuring in saying that rivalry will happen in the best of families. The techniques are invaluable for anyone who has to deal with multiple children, whether or not they are siblings. The book might even shed some light on your relationship with your adult siblings.
How I Live Now by Meg Rosoff. Narrated by Kim Mai Guest. Fifteen-year-old Daisy is only a little nervous when she leaves her pregnant stepmother in New York to stay with her aunt and cousins in the English countryside. She loves suddenly being part of a large family, and the old farm house with its animals. Then, her aunt leaves the country for a few days. England is attacked and the borders are sealed, leaving four teens and nine-year-old Piper alone in the big house. Somehow, Daisy falls in love with her younger cousin Edmond (fourteen), who seems to be able to read her thoughts. In spite of the ickiness factor, but aided by the war, they have a tender romance that gets only as explicit as “not chaste”. Then the children get discovered and separated, the oldest brother joining the military, Daisy and little Piper to one house, Edmond and his other brother to another, hours apart. As the war gets worse, Daisy knows that it’s up to her to reunite the only family she’s ever felt she belongs in. And as food gets scarcer, the eating disorder she brought over from New York, while never made a focus of the story, starts to look very different. 
Dealing with Dragons by Patricia Wrede This is an older, but definitely still good one. I listened to the audio, an early full cast production by Bruce Coville. In the story, Princess Cimorene’s parents want to marry her off, due to her unfortunate tendency to study fencing, Latin, cooking, and anything else anyone will teach her. She runs away and volunteers to be the princess for the dragon Kazul. Between fending off would-be rescuers and dealing with the other dragons’ princesses, she discovers a plot by some nasty wizards to take over the dragons’ country. You can’t help but like the opinionated Cimorene, who refuses to let anyone tell her what to do. And Wrede’s humorous riffs on fairy tale conventions make the story laugh-out loud funny. If you’re a fan of fairy tales or fantasy, whatever your age, don’t miss this book. The audio version suffers a little from over-enunciation and inconsistent sound quality, but overall, the characters are convincing and hearing all the different voices makes the story come alive.
Stolen Magic by M.J. Putney. Narrated by Simon Prebble. Simon Falconer (best friend to our hero from the previous book) is the magical law enforcer for the Guardians. When he tries to arrest the Lord Drayton, Drayton turns Simon into a unicorn. It’s a mythical beast even then, but Drayton wants to slay him by ritual magic so that he can take the horn to add to his personal power. Simon escapes, but is recaptured with the unwitting help of the ugly Mad Meggie, Drayton’s ward. They manage to escape again together, somewhat injured. When their blood mixes, Simon turns back into himself. Simon is able to find and release the spells on Meg, which kept her stupid, ugly, and unaware of her great magical power, which Drayton was drawing on to supplement his own meager strength. Naturally, this being a romance, they are powerfully attracted to each other. But Simon is still turning back into a unicorn pretty easily, and only Meg can turn him back – the going theory being it’s because she’s still a virgin. Also, Simon was only able to knot off, not cut, the energy cord tying Meg to Drayton, so she’s still in danger. The rest of the Guardian Council is finding Simon’s story about Drayton unconvincing, leaving him on the loose. He’s plotting shadowy evil things, still trying to get Meg and Simon back, and Meg thinks he has more energy slaves. 
Teach Your Own by John Holt & Pat Farenga This is the latest edition of one of the great classics of homeschooling, but it has valuable ideas for anyone with children, even if you send them to school. From extensive work with children and schools, Holt challenges the popular idea that children need to do work they don’t like to be educated, and that schools are the only places that know how to teach. Children will retain what they learn best when they explore what they are interested in most, and when they learn things because the knowledge is necessary in their social group – he gives the examples of Gypsy children who learn to play in the family band not by being taught but by being given an instrument and being put on stage with the rest of the family. Teaching to a test rewards those students who forget what they’ve learned only after the test. If you’re short on time and not planning on homeschooling, reading the preface, introduction and the chapter “Living with Children.” This has sections on the nature of children and moving beyond the popular “savages vs. precious innocents” dichotomy; parents tendency to add “okay?” to statements that are not choices; tantrums, and alternatives to gold stars. Other chapters cover reasons to take children out of school, quite good retorts to standard objections to homeschooling, dealing with learning disabilities, and how to begin homeschooling yourself. I’m still not convinced that kids will explore everything they need to know on their own if given guidance, but, sadly, his premise that what schools do best is to take kids’ joy out of learning seems spot-on. 
Rain Makes Applesauce by Julian Scheer. Illustrated by M. Bileck. Somehow this book stuck in my head from reading it when I was four or five – but it turns out that it was a Caldecott runner-up in ’64. Marvelously detailed pen-and-ink with watercolor drawings accompany the rhythmic hand-lettered text: “The stars are made of lemon juice” or some other “silly talk” with a repeated chorus of “and rain makes applesauce.” Every so often the response, “Oh you’re just talking silly talk” is thrown in. The big double-spread picture illustrates the silly talk, while a tiny inset on each page follows a boy and girl in the rain planting an apple tree, watching it grow, and finally making the apples into applesauce. “I know I’m talking silly, silly talk, but rain makes applesauce.” It’s as delightful now as it was over forty years ago.
